K.A. Random's Thoughts and Observations

The value of time.

2009-01-07T11:45:00.004-06:00

"Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend," said Diogenes Laërtius . And sometimes we have to spend a lot of it on mundane things like washing dishes, sleeping and brushing our teeth. So one must find joy in the mundane moments. It's like at the end of American Beauty where Lester sees beauty in a plastic bag floating in the wind.

Blizzard

2008-08-06T13:52:00.003-06:00

Back in the day, when you bought a Blizzard at Dairy Queen, they would turn it upside down to show you how well it was made.

These days though--and I've found this at a number of Dairy Queens in different cities--if a blizzard was turned upside down, it would pour right out of the cup. Blizzards are becoming more like chocolate soup.

Is this a new product development? If so, I haven't seen any ads out to promote it.

Where the buffalo roam

2008-08-04T15:31:00.002-06:00

I was out walking the grid roads yesterday and was delighted to find a herd of buffalo grazing about in a field. I hopped down into the ditch to take a photo, but they all ran off in a thunderous gallop. The sound of them running was the most amazing thing I ever heard. Watching them run was also pretty cool.

I felt guilty though for causing them panic, especially when a baby became separated from the herd and struggled to keep up. If I was a predator, it would have been dead.

Anyhow, I didn't think the buffalo would be so jumpy. Clearly I underestimated their survival instinct, which is definitely lacking in the cows around here. You could walk right up to a cow and it would just look at you. And a cow certainly should be afraid of humans. Yet somehow they do little to fight us.

A connection

2008-08-02T08:52:00.005-06:00

Through my work I sometimes have the opportunity to travel around and meet people.

And it's amazing, how once and awhile, you can meet someone for a short period, like a day or two, and make a special connection.

While these connections are great, they make it hard to say goodbye. I personally feel very sad after the person leaves, because often one can loose touch, despite best efforts. Knowing this maybe inevitable is why it is diffcult to let the person go when he or she is in my presence.

As a friend of mine always reminds me, though, is that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Only time will tell which it is.

Sigh.

On science and art

2008-07-31T15:32:00.004-06:00

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about science and art. Someone once asked me which I thought more important: a great artistic achievement, such as modernism, or a scientific development such as penicillin.

I found this to be an unfair question. Science and art are each important to society in their own way. What would our world be like without art? There would be no paintings on the walls, no movies, no sculpture on the street. Art gives us clues about the cultures that came before us. And without science, there would be no medicine, no dishwashers, or cars.

I'm tempted to say science and art are equally important, but I'm not sure. Let's not compare modernism to penicillin.

On failure

2008-07-15T09:33:00.001-06:00

"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative." - Woody Allen

It's tough to remember that failure can sometimes be a good sign.

Overstatement

2008-07-10T14:37:00.003-06:00

Sometimes an "out of order" sign is not necessary.

For instance, when a sink in a public washroom is missing its facets, it is obvious that one should move on and try the next sink over.

Sucker punches

2008-02-17T10:15:00.006-06:00

I was at a Wide Mouth Mason concert recently and one of the lyrics to their new songs was something to the effect of "sometimes hope is like a sucker punch." I thought how true, which is why I'm not an optimist. (I consider myself to be a realist). If you have high hopes and things don't work out, then the hope that you had is the sucker punch leading to your disappointment.

Mondo

2008-02-16T12:45:00.006-06:00

My favourite Zen mondo is this:

Monk: "I have just entered the monastery. Please give me some guidance."

Master: "Have you eaten your rice gruel?"

Monk: "Yes. I've eaten."

Master: "Then go wash your bowl."

Like the Monk, sometimes I would like all of life's answers to be given to me at once or have success in an instant. I always tell myself, you can't climb Mount Everest in a day, and on the mountainside you still have to wash your bowl. Even if you're doing something great, you can't escape the quotidian. Washing the bowl is the lesson and it's a part of the journey.

Hey, hey, goodbye!

2008-01-13T22:34:00.001-06:00

There is something sad about going on a few dates with a guy and realizing he isn't for you.

It means it's back to "being out there."

You sigh as you think: "How many more losers do I have to date until I find the one?"

The one, whatever that means? Does anyone ever really find the one? Only answer this question if you've been with your partner for over 40 years. It seems that marriages grow tired over the years.

Revenge

2008-01-12T22:42:00.001-06:00

Remember, when talking to the ex, even when you are miserable, you have to make it look like your life is going well.

Like a good public relations person, put a positive spin on your life's circumstances. Everything is going great.

Smile, appear happy and rub what you can into their faces. Appear unphased when they tell you they are getting married next week.

The goal: Make them feel jealous. Make them feel like it's their loss.

Even if you don't ever want to date them again, even if you hate them for everything they did to you, you have to be the bigger, better person in an effort to add to your ex's pain.

A poem

2008-01-12T13:46:00.000-06:00

"A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. " --Robert Frost

Sit and Wait

2008-01-11T16:42:00.001-06:00

It is written that if you ask a guy out, you eliminate the chase. The chase is what is fun for the guy.

Apparently, if they like you, they will step it up and ask you out.

If you ask a guy out yourself, it takes all the fun out of it for the guy. Maybe it's true. But now you are sitting and waiting for this guy to ask you out and it's just not happening. You hang out together all the time. He calls you occasionally. But maybe he is just not that into you.

Fighting gravity

2008-01-11T16:01:00.000-06:00

I started watching Jetstream, a documentary on Discovery Channel that follows a group of young pilots as they learn to fly a supersonic fighter jet.

After watching the premier episode of Jetstream, I'm not sure why anyone would want to be a fighter pilot.

Firstly, there is the physical stress. Jets, as they do their aerobatic moves, are basically fighting gravity. In doing so, the g forces reduce blood flow to the brain. This can lead to a loss of consciousness, which is called g-loc. You can prevent this by tensing your legs, arms and abdominal muscles to restrict the "downward" flow of blood.

On the show, they were sticking pilots in a centrifuge to see how they handled the g forces, and you could watch as some of them passed out. It was crazy.

Then there is the risk. When flying a jet, it's not if something goes wrong, it's when.

No thank you.

Stupid.

2008-01-10T21:24:00.001-06:00

Why is it when you run into a cute guy, you're always doing something stupid, like buying a donut? (Girls aren't supposed to be seen eating sugary, fattening foods after all).

Responsibility

2008-01-10T13:35:00.000-06:00

Today, I was reading a story on Yahoo News about how the U.S. recently bombed 40 selected targets in Iraq with smart bombs. I then made the mistake of looking at the readers' comments.

There was a right-winger on there ripping into the left-wing and Islam with some really hateful words. People would tell her how stupid she was or agree with her and she would come back on and tell everyone they were stupid. The whole forum was really negative and outrageous.

I felt compelled to throw my two bits in, which I don't normally do. I wrote: "I can't believe the blatant hatred, disrespect, racism and xenophobia in these comments. Some of you should be ashamed of yourself. War and terrorism are rooted in these attitudes."

I waited for people to respond to the comment and either agree with me or tell me I was an idiot. Instead they ignored it and kept making their hateful comments at each other.

This to me is the problem with the human race. Some people like arguing and fighting with each other so much, they ignore any comments that hold them responsible for perpetuating a problem.

Timing

2008-01-09T15:11:00.001-06:00

Timing is everything.

If you want to get married, you have to find a guy who wants to get married. You know, a guy who already has the house and career he wants. Find a guy who is happy where he is in life.

If you find a guy whose upgrading his education or thinking about moving to a new city then run, even if you seem to be perfect for each other. This guy is too busy thinking about himself and isn't ready to make decisions as a couple. Unless you're willing to make some sacrifices for him and he's willing to let you, it will never work out.

Rubbing it in.

2008-01-08T14:50:00.001-06:00

You might not know a Mandy. At least not until you learn your ex's new girlfriend is named Mandy. Then suddenly you'll meet a new Mandy every second day.

The fates like to rub it in.

V-Day

2008-01-07T21:22:00.001-06:00

For those of you who felt lonley on Valentine's Day, just remember the "holiday" was created as a commercial ploy to sell cards.

You're not getting any money from those card sales, so who cares about Valentine's Day.

Besides, trees had to die for those cards to be made. So if you didn't give or receive a card this Valentine's Day, good for you. The environment and anti-capitalists thank you.

Have your cake.

2008-01-06T22:51:00.001-06:00

Some men are like chocolate cake. You know you shouldn't, but you also know it will taste so good if you do.

You'll take only one bite, or so you tell yourself. But before you know it, you've eaten not just one piece, but the whole cake.

Phobia

2008-01-06T00:09:00.001-06:00

There comes a time when you've had your heart stepped on so many times that you don't want to go back out there.

The thought of a new boyfriend scares you. What hurt will you face this time if you enter a new relationship?

Settling in.

2008-01-04T23:48:00.001-06:00

You know you're just settling when you decide to be with someone who has an issue you have to work to ignore.

Dependents

2008-01-03T21:45:00.001-06:00

Some men are simply looking for their mother in a relationship. And there are women out there who are happy to oblige.

Not only do these women make the meals and do the chores, they say "dear, you can't have any chocolate ice cream. It will spoil your dinner."

And "dear, make sure you're home by eight."

These women have rules and they are not afraid to lay down the law.

They also manage the purse strings.

There is no such thing as an equal partnership in these relationships.

It's like single parenthood, except the child is the woman's lover.

The Nameless

2008-01-02T09:10:00.001-06:00

Ex-boyfriends become the names that cannot be named.

If you want to tell an anecdote that involves them, you have to say a “friend of mine.”

Because if you use their name, the person you are talking to, like your parents, for instance, will say “whatever happened to him. I liked that guy.”

And then you have to explain a whole bunch of stuff you don’t want to explain.

Trust, Passion and Love

2008-01-01T08:52:00.001-06:00

On Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy and Spike find they are pulled together by love. They don’t want to love each other at first, but they can’t contain their feelings and are drawn to each other. Buffy, of course, fights her feelings every step of the way. She resists her own feelings of love in this little bit of dialogue:

BUFFY: I'm not saying I don't have feelings for you. I do. But it's not love. I could never trust you enough for it to become that.

SPIKE: Trust is for old marrieds, Buffy. Great love is wild and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes.

BUFFY: Until there's nothing left. That kind of love doesn't last.

And in fiction that kind of love ends tragically. Perhaps it is also true in life.

Legacy

2007-12-12T22:09:00.000-06:00

I was reading a book written by a poet friend of mine who is around the age of 70.

He quotes Dylan Thomas at the beginning of the book:

"Poetry.
I like to think of of it
as statements made on the way to the grave."

This quote is appropriate, I suppose, since my friend's book is a commemoration of his own life. However, it is sad to me that my friend is already thinking about his eventual death and writing his poetic autobiography so the life he lived will be left behind, remembered in the pages of his book.

Failure

2007-11-27T20:44:00.000-06:00

Halifax poet Don Domanski, 57, won the Governor General award for poetry this year for his book All Our Wonder Unavenged (Brick Books). It took him seven years to write the book.

When interviewed by the Globe and Mail, Domanski said "all poetry is failure in the end, because you never reach what you want.”

Oh, how true.

Keeping it to yourself

2007-10-21T10:22:00.002-06:00

I don't like it when I run into people I know while grocery shopping. They always look into your cart and, I'm sure, judge you based on the type of shampoo you use or the amount of vegetables (or lack of vegetables) you have.

The other day, I ran into someone I know, who is rather on the short side. She asked for my help getting her Oxy face scrub off the top shelf. I didn't want to know that she uses Oxy to wash her face. I guess I have no desire to know the personal and, in a way, intimate details of someone's life.

Time lost.

2007-10-14T15:51:00.000-06:00

I hate those days when I have plans to get a lot done, but then circumstances beyond my control take over. I wake up feeling under the weather or my computer crashes. Such inconveniences can eat up valuable hours. And it sucks.

For fall

2007-10-02T21:15:00.000-06:00

Leaves "die with style:
as the tree retreats inside itself,
shutting off its valves at its
extremities
to starve in Technicolor, then
having served two hours in a children's leaf pile, slowly
stir its vitamins into the earth."

- Don McKay, "Some Functions of a Leaf"

Plans

2007-09-22T17:26:00.000-06:00

I've lost my ability to be spontaneous. I usually turn down any last minute invitations.

For instance, my sister invited me to go to the bar on the spur of the moment. I said no. Partly, because I was in the middle of working on a poetry project and partly because I don't know if I have what it takes to stay out until 3 a.m. anymore.

However, had she asked me a few days in advance, I might have said yes. I would have had time to mentally prepare.

Sunday mornings

2007-09-16T16:35:00.000-06:00

Since when did Sunday morning television get so offensive. First there are the usual religious types telling you that you're going to hell, and then there are the hunting shows where you watch men shoot birds and stick them in their pockets. I can't even watch the music channels anymore, because I find women who market themselves by wearing minimal clothing to be insulting to my intelligence.

Books

2007-09-07T21:39:00.000-06:00

My first book is to be released in about a month. The editor sent me a draft copy. It's a surreal feeling seeing your name on the cover of a book for the first time. There is, of course, a sense of accomplishment and then a dreaded sigh. Mainly, because you have to proofread the damn book one last time. Good God, books are a lot of work. And it's not over yet, because I have to promote it too.

The spotlight effect . . .

2007-08-24T22:23:00.000-06:00

"Even in waking life, many of us operate as if Simon Cowell is doing a play-by-play of our work, wardrobe, and snack choices . . . in the beam of imaginary spotlights, many of us suffer untold shame and create weaker, less zestful lives than we deserve." - Martha Beck

The breaking point of the mind...

2007-08-22T21:28:00.001-06:00

Have you ever worked on a project and worked on a project and worked on a project until your mind feels that it has turned into mush?

Why is it that our brains can only do so much thinking and working until they become exhausted.

Brains aren't muscles. They just sit in our heads, so why do they tire out? They should be able to keep going and going . . . like the Energizer bunny. It would make meeting deadlines easier.

Hurricanes

2007-08-21T22:01:00.001-06:00

Do you ever wonder why hurricanes get people names, like Katrina and Dean? It's humanizes a force that causes mass destruction.

Can you imagine sharing your name with a hurricane? Should you be flattered to be associated with so much power? Or upset to be associated with the destruction?

Maybe they should name hurricanes after military figures that nobody likes, such as Hitler and Napoleon. Or maybe Bible names of murders and evildoers, like Cain and Lucifer. Or villains in comic books, like Lex Luther . . .

Dreaming: The Great Equalizer

2007-08-10T22:07:00.000-06:00

"Anyone can escape into sleep. We are all geniuses when we dream. The butcher's the poet's equal there." - E.M. Cioran, The Temptation to Exist.

Same Old

2007-08-03T21:50:00.000-06:00

If you've been to one tourist town you've been to them all. Skagway, Dawson City, Jasper, Banff, Canmore and Old Sacramento, they all look the same to me. Even the tourist merchandise is the same.

Journalist Tantrums

2007-07-10T16:50:00.000-06:00

As a journalist, I have made an oberservation: Journalists have an expectation that everyone will do an interview.

People, of course, have the right to refuse interviews. When they do, I've seen plenty of journalists get irrate. Journalists won't easily take "no" for an answer.

A lot of journalists feel they are entitled to information and a person's story. Democracy, afterall, is built on freedom of information. It is also built on the right to say "no."

While I respect a person's right to say "no," it certainly messes up a story. For instance, say when you lose the "other side's" perspective because of a refusal to do an interview. When people say the media is one-sided, well, sometimes that's because the "other side" doesn't want to talk. What's a journalist to do? One side is better than no sides.

On typewriters...

2007-07-08T13:16:00.000-06:00

I don't understood the appeal of the typewriter in this day and age where computers rule supreme. Typewriters make edits pure hell. Yet I've met a number of young writers who are using old typewriters they've dug up out of their grandparents basement or bought on eBay.

I didn't understand the appeal of the typewriter until I read David Streit's poem: "untitled, november 23, 2006:"

"everyone loves a typewriter." Streit writes:

"it has the word writer in it.
no one wants to grow up to be a "puter."
eventually typing is a skill set that is being lost. this is the
recovery.
pause thought. scroll. type. type."

Karate Curse

2007-06-27T13:04:00.000-06:00

Karate ruins a person's feet.

You aren't allowed to wear shoes in karate. And so, over the years of doing karate, sliding my feet along cracked gymnasium floors, I have got some nasty callouses. My heels are cracked. I have a callous on the side of my one baby toe that is starting to grow over the nail. (I know. It's disgusting).

I've had two pedicures since I've been doing karate. But when you remove the callouses, doing karate hurts, and the callouses come back thicker than ever.

Aside from the callouses, I've lost a toenail and cracked many others.

I've seen pictures of dancers' feet, and they are even worse than mine.

It's amazing what we do to our bodies in the name of sport.

Keep it to yourself...

2007-06-23T17:18:00.000-06:00

There are some conversations you shouldn't have in public.

I was out at a restaurant once and was seated beside a mother who was loudly lecturing her 15-year-old daughter about the hazards of premarital sex.

Talk about ruining the innocent bystanders' appetites.

I was almost tempted to ask to be moved to another table, because I didn't really want to listen in, but couldn't help it. It was like I was unwillingly transplanted into this family's living room.

Awkward conversations are better kept at home, or at least kept to a low whisper.

On the lot...

2007-06-14T17:48:00.001-06:00

Has anyone been watching the new show On The Lot?

Aspiring filmmakers air their short films each week and America votes on the best. A few of the earlier episodes followed the filmmakers as they made their films, but making films is actually more boring than it sounds. It's actors doing the same scene over and over again and long hours spent putting sound and picture together in an editing suite. It's only slightly more exciting than watching someone write a book. And it's a surprise On The Lot has low ratings?

Films, like writing, are about finished product. The process is quite dry and a bit of a slog. It's not like So You Think You Can Dance, where dancers put their bodies to the test and face injury in rehearsal.

Short films are not popular with the masses either. They are like the poetry of the film industry. They have a limited market.

That said, maybe there should be a So You Think You Can Write Poetry show. They have everything else. And are ratings really that important? Really?

Just not that into you...

2007-06-13T14:53:00.000-06:00

Social situations can already be awkward and complicated enough in real life, but taking them into the virtual world makes them even more so.

Take Facebook for instance. You write a question on someone's wall and, through the "news feed," all your shared friends can see you wrote that question. Then that question just hangs there unanswered. The friend, you wrote the question to, has logged on since. You know this because you can see they've commented on other people's walls. You, however, are being ignored by them.

Do you take this personally? Are they deliberately snubbing you? Do they not feel your question relevant? Do they just not have the time to answer? They've had the time to write back to other friends and maybe even upload photos onto the site.

They wouldn't have ignored you if you had asked the question in person. That's just plain rude.

Do social networking sites, which are supposed to bring people closer together, encourage rudeness, given the impersonal nature of such sites?

Given that you're snubbed on Facebook by a friend, what does that mean for your friendship with that person? If they can't make time to answer your question, maybe they're just not that into you, because your true friends will write back right away.

And what to do with those friends who are not that into you? Do you just not bother to make time for them. Certainly, you won't be asking them any more questions on Facebook, because it's no fun being ignored.

Bringing friendships into the virtual world is complicated.

Rude, much?

2007-06-08T12:56:00.000-06:00

Today, I got the most insulting piece of spam. It said: "Loose weight, fatty," or something to that effect.

Now, I can see why it would be funny to call a million random strangers fat via e-mail, but it's also incredibly cruel. Weight is a very sensitive issue for a lot of people.

There were definitely some people crying this morning when they saw that e-mail. Ouch.

Reality TV

2007-06-07T23:21:00.001-06:00

I'm one of those sad people who is a reality TV addict. And let me say, it takes some serious commitment to keep up with them all. That's why I'm thankful for VCRs. (I haven't caught up to the 21st century, which means I don't have a digital recorder. I wish).

Watching reality TV is tough, because you get attached to certain people and then they get the boot and you have to keep watching anyway... even if it means watching someone you totally hate take the prize. Like I said, it takes commitment.

The meaning of life.

2007-05-31T22:32:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking about living life to the fullest lately and what that really means. To live a full life, do you have to live to the extreme--travel the world, sky dive, bungee jump, cure AIDS, and I don't know what else?

How much do we let fear rule our life and prevent us from following our dreams? How many artists are just hobbyists because they are scared to take the plunge into their craft professionally? "That's just not practical," some would say. How many people are government paper pushers, begrudgingly? For what, a large paycheck? Does money really mean anything if you're chained to a desk your whole life?

How am I holding myself back? That's the question I'm asking myself these days. What is it that I really want to do with my life?

The Real Environmentalists.

2007-05-28T21:50:00.000-06:00

There is such a stigma against dumpster divers--the people who dig the pop cans and scrap metal out of back alley garbage bins. But these people are another one of society's unsung heroes.

Dumpster divers reuse and recycle for lazy people who can't be bothered. I think such lazy people should be paying the dumpster divers more than the 10 cents deposit for each bottle. It's a lot of work to sort through the trash to reduce the amount of waste someone else is sending to the dump.

On backwards and inside out...

2007-05-26T21:20:00.001-06:00

"Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty." - Sicilian Proverb

I once went a whole day wearing a shirt inside out, and it was on backwards. It was the kind of shirt where it would have been pretty obvious to anyone I met. Yet, no one, not even my friends, told me. When I got home and saw how I was dressed, I was completely embarrassed I had been out in public looking that way. (Sometimes, if I'm running late, I don't have time to look in the mirror before I step out the door).

According to the Sicilian proverb, does this mean I have no "real" friends?

A league of one's own

2007-05-24T21:37:00.000-06:00

Have you ever seen the movie Shallow Hal?

It's about a superficial ugly man who only wants to date pretty women. Eventually, he learns that beauty is more than skin deep and falls in love with an obese woman because of her personality.

Sure, looks aren't everything, but I think this movie is saying more: that ugly people should date within their own league. To go after good looking people will only lead to rejection and disappointment. It shows good looking people as shallow and only able to love other good looking people. According to the movie, only ugly people have depth.

By trying to break down stereotypes, as this movie claims to do, it only enforced more stereotypes. The movie would have been more challenging to our societal views if Brad Pitt had the lead instead of Jack Black, I think.

Unforgettable poetry

2007-05-22T21:59:00.000-06:00

I am reading an old Harper's Magazine from 1999. There's an article in it where five well-established American poets talk about poetry.

According to these poets, (Donald Hall, Cynthia Huntington, Paul Muldoon, Heather McHugh and Charles Simic) a poem is considered great if, once you are finished reading it, you want to go back and read it again.

A good poem should be disappointing, or deflect one's expectations, says Huntington.

"If a poem has no obvious destination, there's a chance that we'll all be setting off on an interesting ride," said Muldoon.

"I think one of poetry's functions is not to give us what we want," said McHugh.

To me then, poetry is like Joss Whedon's Buffy the Vampire Slayer. There are so many unexpected plot twists in that show, and characters you least expect die.

The trick is to be able to think differently than your audience. Become a mind reader and anticipate their thoughts. It's tough.

Driving, Ms. K.A.

2007-05-21T23:31:00.000-06:00

I didn't have a car until I was 24-years-old, which means I had to mooch a lot of rides.

I always figured when I finally did get a car, I would offer rides to any friend in need. But now that I have a car, I realize how annoying it can be to drive other passengers around.

People are inconsiderate. They leave garbage in my car--pop cans, used tissues and a number of other disgusting items. If my car were messy, maybe this would be allowable, since I likely wouldn't notice. But my car is ridiculously clean, so it actually drives me nuts.

To be polite, I keep my music turned off when I have a passenger, since I can appreciate that not everyone likes the Beastie Boys. However, some passengers feel the need to turn on my stereo, unasked, and then dig through my glove compartment, also unasked, and flip through my CDs and complain about my taste in music. I think this is outrageous.

I also hate it when people invite you somewhere and then expect you to drive. My rule is: if you invite someone, you drive. Agreeing to meet at a location is also acceptable. I hate it when I get invitations like this: "Are you going to the rock concert? If so, it would work really good for me if I could get a ride with you?" Way to make a person feel used.

Trends

2007-05-20T23:26:00.000-06:00

“Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion.” - Jack Kerouac

That's not funny.

2007-05-17T22:50:00.000-06:00

There's a video going around of a toddler who runs on stage during a break dancing show.

Long story short, the break dancer accidentally kicks the child in the head while doing a back flip. The child is knocked unconscious as a result.

The message on the subject heading of the e-mail I got read "funny." At first, I wanted to laugh, but then I was like: "No, that's not actually funny. That's a real person that got hurt."

It's interesting that we, as a society, find accidents funny. Talk about adding insult to injury. So remember, the next time you slip on ice and break your wrist, you might end up as an Internet joke, thanks to some jerk with a camera.

Life is funny.

2007-05-15T22:12:00.000-06:00

It's interesting where life takes us. What we never thought would happen to us in a million years sometimes randomly happens.

Like last year, I watched a few shows referring to the Napa Valley--Sideways and Sex and the City. Then, one day, I accidentally ended up there on an unplanned trip. (It's a long and uninteresting story).

Or I recently started watching The Amazing Race and then one day I inadvertently meet the show's host. (It's a long and uninteresting story).

Of course, there are bad things that you never thought would happen to you in a million years too, like when I did some damage to my car by hitting a water-filled pot hole. (It's a long and uninteresting story).

Life is funny.

Doom and gloom

2007-05-12T12:47:00.000-06:00

"Like the frog swimming in water that starts to boil, drip by drip, we get used to it," said author Joy Kogawa about how Earth is dying without causing alarm to the human race.

I think we have the "can't happen to us" disease. Sure, there's global warming, but it won't wipe out the human race. We're invincible.

I'm sure the dinosaurs didn't see it coming either.

Knees

2007-05-11T20:44:00.001-06:00

Occasionally you meet a guy who makes your knees weak. He distracts you with his presence. And you always have to watch him out of the corner of your eye.

He, of course, seems to take no interest in you at all.

I hate that.

The drunken cat.

2007-05-10T22:01:00.000-06:00

I took my cat to get her teeth cleaned today.

Although she tends to get gingivitas, I sometimes wonder if getting her teeth cleaned is worth the trouble.

For one, animals don't have their teeth cleaned in the wild.

And two, after my cat's teeth cleaning, she is so doped up, it's unsettling. She stumbles around my apartment, bumping into furniture, before finally hiding under the bed. I feel bad for putting her through that.

Right now, I'm just waiting for my cat to return back to normal.

Thinking it out.

2007-05-10T08:56:00.001-06:00

It’s always good to step back from your crushes for a brief moment.

Sometimes it turns out you don’t really like the person. It is just there have been so few options in your life lately that you’re practically ready to jump on any new eligible male who comes into your life, even if he is dull and boring or a total jerk. You can blind yourself to his flaws just so you can keep an open option for yourself, which is the only option you might have at the moment.

An awkward moment.

2007-05-09T22:07:00.000-06:00

I was in the bathroom today (what are the odds?) when the woman in the stall next to me had her cellphone go off.

To my surprise, she answered it. From what I could gather, it was a business call from her boss.

The bathroom had one of those automatic flush toilets, so I was like should I get up and reveal to her boss her location? Would that be considered poor bathroom/cellphone etiquette?

But when she started going through her agenda and scheduling meetings, I was like, I can't sit here forever. So I got up, let the toilet flush and blew her cover.

Grey Matter

2007-05-09T15:19:00.001-06:00

Dating would be easier if you could keep things black and white. He forgets to call. It’s over. He says something inappropriate. It’s over.

If he doesn’t have a university education, you don’t go out with him. If he lives with his parents, you don’t go out with him.

If it were that easy, there would be no emotional messes.

But then again, you probably would never go out with anyone. And if you did, your relationship wouldn’t last a month.

There needs to be room for exceptions and forgiveness—the shades of grey.

But it’s the shades of grey that bring the heartache.

I spy . . .

2007-05-08T23:14:00.000-06:00

I am really amused by the fact that the U.S. Defense Department thought Canadian "poppy" quarters contained radio frequency transmitters. (You know which quarter I'm talking about--the Remembrance Day commemorative one with the red poppy in the middle).

I can just imagine the American military contractors looking down, with horror and excitement, at the quarter staring up at them from where they found it, in the cup holder of their rental car. Finally, it was their childhood spy fantasy coming true.

Their discovery sparked a false espionage warning. Damn Canadians and our funny money. Serves us right for making commemorative quarters.

And p.s., this is why investigative journalism is important. It brings us important stories like this one. Good work Associated Press.

A little crush...

2007-05-08T21:59:00.001-06:00

Do you ever have those crushes you shouldn't have?

Like the person is a total geek, but for some odd reason you are strangely attracted to them?

Or the person is a total jerk . . .

Sometimes our hormones go against our nature.

mySpace and Facebook

2007-05-07T18:10:00.000-06:00

At the urging of some friends, I decided to finally set up a Facebook account and mySpace account.

It's amazing who is on those sites and who isn't. There are people you want to find, but aren't there, and those you haven't talked to in 15 years. And if you haven't talked to someone in years, it's like should you really invite them to be your friend.

There's no need to go to my 1o-year high school reunion now. I think I just went. Wow. What a time killer these sites can be.

Visit me at mySpace here.

Tough love.

2007-05-07T13:46:00.001-06:00

Can we ever begin to really understand love?

The ancient Greeks had four different words that meant love.

"Eros" was one of those words. It refers to erotic, sexual love.

"Storge" refers to family love, like the love between a parent and child, or perhaps between a husband or wife.

"Philia" is the third word for love. It speaks of a brotherly affection that one might have while in a deep friendship or partnership.

"Agape" is a love that loves without changing. It is a self-giving love that gives without expecting repayment. It is a love so great that it can be given to the undesirable. It is love that loves even when rejected. Agape love gives because it wants to.

So perhaps, when it comes to our so called soul mate, we will love them in all four of these ways. And if we don't, then maybe they are not our soul mate.

Bad Timing

2007-05-06T15:40:00.001-06:00

Have you ever had a crush on a guy? You hung out with him many times. You did everything you could to show him that you were into him.

It was like you were dating him, except he didn't know it.

And then you gave up and moved on. Disgruntled towards him, you decided you dislike him. You now despise his habits you thought were so cute. He gets on your nerves. You break up with him in your head.

Then, finally, he decides to like you. But you've decided you don't like him at all. You wouldn't date him now. His very presence makes you ill.

A case of the blahs.

2007-05-05T22:11:00.000-06:00

Is there a certain point that you just give up on finding love?

Does it ever feel like in a sea of men there are none that are really that interesting? There is no one out there you can form a real connection with.

Perhaps finding love is like finding a needle in a haystack - a task that some would consider near impossible.

So do you give up? Some would say never.

Marry me.

2007-05-04T23:06:00.001-06:00

Once women get into their late 20s the pressure to marry begins to increase.

A girl's grandparents, if still alive, will complain that they'll never have great grandchildren. They ask the priest to say a special prayer during mass for their single granddaughter.

A single girl will start hearing crazy cat lady jokes from her friends . . .

Even today, when a woman is capable of supporting herself, there is still a lot of pressure for a girl to get married. And if she can do it before she is 30, the pressure's off.

If she makes it to 50 with no ring, all bets are likely off.

Puzzling Poems

2007-05-04T22:43:00.000-06:00

Poetry is like a crossword puzzle without the clues.

In a poem, every word must fit on a line and pull its own weight. One wrong word and the completed puzzle will be wrong.

Poetry is more challenging than a crossword puzzle, because you're using sound and trying to give words new meaning (sometimes anyway).

Revolting

2007-05-03T22:42:00.000-06:00

"Nearly every thinking person nowadays is in revolt against something, because the craving of the individual is for further consciousness and because consciousness is expanding and is bursting through the moulds that have held it up to now." - Mabel Dodge Luhan

Proper Etiquette

2007-05-03T13:18:00.001-06:00

If you're talking to a male co-worker who is blatantly staring at your chest and it's making you uncomfortable, how do you respond?

Do you say something?

Or do you cross your arms over your chest to not-so-discreetly say quit looking?

It's not a crime to look, or even blatantly stare. . . But girls do sometimes notice guys looking, and it can make us cringe, just a little, because it can be horribly inappropriate, such as in a work situation.

Socks N' Things

2007-05-02T21:51:00.000-06:00

Everyone at karate is an exhibitionist, or at least that seems to be the trend lately. Both the men and the women change with the door open.

Apparently, it's not a big deal to anybody but me. Not even to the little kids, or their parents who pick them up. (Although, I heard some people were disturbed when one of the men demonstrated a side thrust kick naked in front of the change room door. Thankfully, I didn't see that, otherwise I would be blind right now).

As a result, at karate, I change in the bathroom alone with the door closed, because I don't even like it if someone sees me changing my socks.

When did public nudity become acceptable? Did I go to sleep for 20 years and wake up to find that everyone has adapted a whole new set of social norms?

If karate starts to become like ancient wrestling, and is done in the buff, I think I'll have to take up something else.

A raw deal.

2007-05-02T09:27:00.001-06:00

"Men get laid, but women get screwed." - Quentin Crisp

Celebrity Crushes

2007-05-01T19:32:00.001-06:00

When we have no real prospects of our own, we turn to celebrity crushes to fill in the void.

Most of us, as Average Joes, would never stand a chance in hell with any celebrity, even if we stalked them to the end of the earth.

But still fantasies about celebrities help fill in the void when life gets desperate.

Tired Excuse

2007-05-01T16:25:00.000-06:00

I am not a fan of people who cancel plans under the "I'm too tired" excuse.

Unless you're getting in on an all-night flight from London or you just ran a marathon, how tired could you possibly be?

To me, the "I'm too tired" excuse is basically someone trying to politely say: "I don't want to go for no good reason at all, other than I lack the enthusiasm to be at said activity." Or rather, they are saying: "I'd rather be doing anything else right now than hang out with you."

The "I'm too tired" exuse is a bit rude, I think.

Coatman says...

2007-04-30T19:05:00.001-06:00

"Dating always has been similar to applying for a job: asking somebody out is the application, the first few dates are the interviews, and the early stages thereafter the internship. And, just like being in a job, if one does really, really well, eventually, one can become a partner." -Coatman, author of Celibacy and the Suburbs.

Looking for what exactly?

2007-04-29T16:47:00.001-06:00

Can we really know what our ideal partner looks like before we meet them?

I bet most people are looking for someone who is intelligent, kind, witty, generous and attractive - whatever that means.

Beauty and intelligence are in the eyes of the beholder.

But what other characteristics beyond that are we looking for? Can we really know what we are looking for before we meet him or her?

Haven't you met someone who you really didn't think was that interesting or attractive, but then over time that person won you over?

Life is full of surprises.

We could all be like Charlotte York on Sex and the City. She ended up marrying the character Harry Goldenblatt.

Harry was the total opposite of what Charlotte desired. He was bald and chewed with his mouth open.

Charlotte started dating him because she knew she could let her guard down around Harry, since she would never fall for anybody like him.

Her initial relationship with him was about sex. And even then she was embarrassed about being with him.

Overtime Charlotte fell for him, although she kept denying her feelings for Harry, both to herself and her friends.

Charlotte kept using his hairy back and lack of social skills to justify not wanting to be with him, but deep down, her feelings grew every single time they got together.

Eventually she confessed her feelings for Harry after he told her he couldn't marry anyone who wasn't Jewish. Charlotte converted and the two were married.

The moral of the story is never say never.

Just because you think you know what you want doesn't mean you do.

Life is full of surprises.

Making Up

2007-04-28T16:46:00.001-06:00

"No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln

The same can be said for humans too.

Ruined Songs

2007-04-27T20:52:00.000-06:00

Thanks to the TV show Arrested Development, I can't listen to the song "Final Countdown" without laughing.

Thanks to the movie Coneheads, I can't listen to the song "Tainted Love."

Such song associations make it very tough to get through fitness class when those are the songs playing. I'm sure my instructor thought I was crazy. That's right I'm that one in the corner who silently laughs to themselves for what appears to be no reason at all. I blame it on the music.

It's all in a day's work.

2007-04-27T13:12:00.001-06:00

How far does your job carry you in the world of dating?

Do doctors have easier times finding dates than funeral directors?

Some people would find a funeral director just plain creepy. It wouldn't matter how nice a person the funeral director was.

There are a few male television reporters who think telling women what they do is a good pick-up line. "That's right baby. I'm on TV."

And many a woman likes a man in uniform, unless she has a criminal record, a problem with authority or political views opposing military operations.

Are we education snobs? Do high school drop outs have a tougher time in the dating world? Do people with more than one university degree have an easier time picking up?

How much of what we do for a living plays into who we date?

Personal Mount Everest

2007-04-26T15:43:00.000-06:00

You don't really notice how many flights of stairs there are to a building until you have to carry something really heavy up them. Suddenly three flights of stairs becomes a lot. The stairs, then, can become an almost impossible climb.

Avoiding Johnny Appleseeds

2007-04-26T12:54:00.001-06:00

There are countless men out there who would say flirting with women is like planting seeds.

Like a good farmer, a man doesn't just plant one seed fully expecting that one to survive all the bad weather and poor conditions of the land. Instead the man plants hundreds of seeds in hopes that a few will survive and flourish.

At the end of the growing season, the man will have several plants he can eat. And when those plants are all gone, he can plant some more seeds.

Well, women are not seeds.

I don't like being one of several woman a man is planting his interest in.

If a man is truly worthy of my respect, I should really be the only person he is interested in.

Because in the words of Saturday Night Live's Stuart Smalley: "I'm good enough, smart enough, and - doggone it - people like me!"

And if a guy can't see that, and wants to write me off as one of many generic seeds he is trying to plant, then good riddance.

I demand to stand on a pedestal because I am worth it.

But with such a demand like that I'm going to be single for a long, long while.

End Notes.

2007-04-24T16:23:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about how people sign their e-mails and letters. "Sincerely," "best," "ciao," "cheers," "regards," "from," "love" are words that precede our names in correspondence.

"Ciao" and "cheers" sound friendly and informal.

"Regards" and "best" are formal and polite, at least to me. Although, most formal letters from lawyers write "sincerely," which to me implies an emotionally heartfelt letter that they sincerely meant, which is probably not the spirit in which they wrote their dry formal letter.

"Love" is a loaded ending, because the person might then think you're in love with them if you use that one.

And "from" just seems cold.

Can you tell a lot about a person by how they sign a piece of correspondence?

What about "peace," "keep on rocking" and endings like that? Are these people trying too hard to be cool?

No time like the present...

2007-04-19T15:34:00.000-06:00

"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of." - Benjamin Franklin

I'm one of those people who is always ridiculously busy. There is rarely ever down time for me, as long as I have deadlines that keep pummeling towards me, I'm productive. I can get a lot done in a short period of time.

When I do have down time (or take down time) I feel like that time is squandered, because I am not getting anything done.

Am I turning into a workaholic?

I like living to deadlines though. I don't know that I would enjoy just sitting around.

Fashion Trends

2007-04-18T18:04:00.000-06:00

I went to see David Usher recently. He was wearing a double-zip sweater, done up to reveal his navel.

Are midriff-revealing shirts for men coming back?

David's turning 41 this year. David, you're supposed to be a role model for men your age. Don't encourage men in their 40s to wear such shirts. Most of them can't pull the look off.

A few weeks later, I was in the grocery store, I saw a guy fashionably dressed, wearing butt-crack-revealing jeans, which were popular with the girls a year or two back.

Is androgyny going to be big again?

Are the 80s coming back? Really?

Forgetting...

2007-04-11T16:50:00.000-06:00

Why is it, when someone does something stupid or wrong, we don't let them forget?

We think it's funny not to let them forget too.

For instance, ever since my karate instructor knocked out that kid's tooth, when sparring him, I'm like: "Careful, don't knock out my tooth."

Everyone else laughs, but my instructor says: "That's not funny."

In the air...

2007-04-10T22:25:00.000-06:00

Spring is here, although you can't tell by all the snow being dumped on the Canadian prairies right now.

Last week, before the snow, every single member of my poetry group, coincidentally, brought a poem about some sort of dead animal. Death isn't often associated with spring. Usually spring is connected with new life, birth and rebirth. But leave it to writers to try to twist and challenge society's standard associations.

Poet gillian harding-russell writes: "Spring is an uncovering of old wounds."

If this is true, it's not that hard to connect spring with death. Although, death goes with any season.

Tasty Treats

2007-04-04T16:22:00.000-06:00

I was feeding my cat some tartar-control snacks when I noticed that the side of the bag read: "Tasty Treats."

How was it decided that these treats were tasty?

Did someone taste the treats? Was the food given to a sample population of cats for testing? How did the cats provide feedback? They can't talk.

Was it assumed that because cats eat it that the food is good? I eat a lot of things put in front of me that I don't like, asparagus, for instance. I don't like it, but I eat it because I assume it's food. And because it's green, it must be good for me. Right? Maybe cats make the same assumption and eat something that tastes bad.

The Trap

2007-04-03T17:25:00.000-06:00

Women used to, and still do, trap men into marriage with pregnancy. Since single parenthood and abortion have become more acceptable, this may be harder to do.

If you want to trap a man, find one who is struggling with his rent and literally move in. Once you start living with a boyfriend your relationship takes on a whole new "serious" tone. It will be harder for the guy to break up with you. Even if he wants to, he will be reluctant, because he knows he'll feel bad for throwing you out on the street. Besides, he needs your half of the rent to make ends meet.

I know more than one person stuck in an unhappy common law relationship because they got stuck in the rent trap. Now they're having trouble getting out. I also know people who are in unhappy marriages because of the pregnancy trap. Of course, some of those traps come with happy endings too.

If you think of a guy as something to be trapped or hunted, I think your relationship is off to an unhealthy start. Why are the words trapped and hunting used in dating speak? I think the fairy tale ideal of getting married and living happily ever after has reduced the idea of a significant other as a random animal to be caught and domesticated.

Flattery

2007-04-02T17:25:00.000-06:00

I made an observation while out window shopping the other day: You know an outfit isn't going to be flattering on you if it makes a mannequin wearing it look fat.

What I'm saying is very few people, or mannequins, can wear an empress waist--which was a very popular style in Mark Twain's day--without looking fat and/or pregnant.

Understanding

2007-03-29T15:00:00.000-06:00

I went to a panel discussion on racism today, which opened with this question, posed by a First Nations woman.

"How come First Nations people are called savages? We smoke a pipe and have the smoke carry our prayers to the creator. In Christianity, people eat a piece of bread representing the body of Christ, which sounds like cannibalism to me. Why aren't Christians called savages?"

I thought that was interesting, because anyone being called a savage would say their culture isn't being fully understood.

A lot of problems are caused by misunderstandings or the failure to at least try to understand. And, even if people do understand, they might not care about the other people's feelings or beliefs.

If people tried to truly understand where each other is coming from there might be less name calling and fighting.

When a speeding driver cuts me off, I try not to get angry, because what if that person is in a rush to get to the hospital or something. Of course, maybe if I did understand that they were actually just being a jerk then I might get angry and call them a nasty name.

Okay, understanding won't work either. Who am I kidding? There will always be name calling and worse, with or without understanding. That's just how the human race likes to do business on this complicated web we weave.

Rushed.

2007-03-28T21:59:00.000-06:00

I hate those days when I leave the house in such a rush to get somewhere that I know I must have forgotten something. There is just no way I can leave the house fast without forgetting something.

Today, I even looked down to see if I remembered my pants, which I did. Thank God. Is it possible that I could actually forget my pants someday? I really hope not.

The Injury Report.

2007-03-27T21:17:00.000-06:00

Today, at karate, this eight-year-old kid had a molar knocked loose by the instructor. And it was an adult tooth too. There was blood running out the side of the kid's mouth. It was pretty nasty.

All the instructor did was turn around and the kid, who was standing right behind him, took an elbow to the face. It was an accident. The kid will definitely need a trip to the dentist.

Karate can make you feel like an abused spouse or child. While getting a tooth knocked out, or even a bloody nose, is rare, bruises are common. When I first started and had sensitive forearms, I had to wear long sleeves to hide the ridiculous amount of bruises I was getting, just from blocking punches.

I bruise less now, but every now and again I still get some ugly bruises. Three weeks ago, at a provincial team training session, I had a bruise complete with blood blisters that ran from my elbow to my wrist. I had another large bruise on my stomach. I couldn't even tell you where the bruises came from. Obviously, I took some hits. I also had a large scratch under my arm, as well as some pinch marks, from some grappling we were doing.

I'm glad I'm not a wrestler, because I hear breaking the cartilage in your ears is a common injury in that sport. And the cartilage never heals right. You get what they call cauliflower ears.

Workshops

2007-03-26T22:23:00.000-06:00

The dilemma I often face when going to a writing workshop is: "What work should I submit?"

Should I submit something good that might impress other writers? Or should I submit a horrible piece of writing that has been grating me and is in desperate need of workshopping?

I go with the latter. As a result, I'm sure there are a lot of writers I respect out there going: "Really? That girl's a published poet? Really? But did you just read what she submitted at that workshop? What a piece of crap!"

There can be no ego when it comes to battling your own worst nightmares . . . I mean poems.

The Unsung Hero

2007-03-23T23:23:00.000-06:00

There are the obvious heroes in society--the police, fire fighters, the neighbour that pulls you out of your house in a fire...

I would add the tow truck driver to that list. Who else is going to come at 3 a.m. to rescue you after you've done something stupid, like hang your car up on a meridian?

Tow truck drivers risk their lives helping you in your stupid moments. I recently met one tow truck driver who got hit by a speeding car while trying to help another person out of a ditch. The tow truck driver flew through the air and landed on top of his tow truck, breaking his back. His nine year career as a hero ended. After three back surgeries, and two years of recovery, he now cleans used cars at a sales lot.

A few weeks ago, a submerged pot hole took my car out. Even though I know enough to drive through puddles slowly, my rim was bent and my tire was damaged. The tow truck driver who came to my rescue was able to assess the damage, which later saved me from being ripped off from the first mechanic where I took my car. That mechanic said my car was far more damaged than it actually was, in hopes of earning a few extra bucks from my stupidity. I got a second and third opinion and realized the tow truck driver was right and the first mechanic was a con.

Tow truck drivers, they're heroes. Because I'm not going to be able to pull you out of a ditch at 3 a.m., even if you offer me $80.

Life

2007-03-22T22:29:00.000-06:00

"Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well." -Josh Billings

Terrifying.

2007-03-20T20:18:00.000-06:00

They built a glass skywalk over the Grand Canyon. While I'm not typically afraid of heights, the thought of standing on a glass platform over the Canyon freaks me out.

Although, if given the chance, I would take the walk. Apparently, it's like floating on air, until the wind starts to blow and you have to grab onto the railing to steady your knees.

Get this. You only get access to the glass deck if you sign up for a $50 tour package. Steep.

Down with the sickness...

2007-03-19T18:31:00.000-06:00

I've been really sick lately with a throat infection, which came with a fever. At my worst, I couldn't talk at all and my left eye was swollen shut. It was pretty disgusting. I'm only now starting to get better.

What I hate about being sick is that you have to vanish off the face of the earth. I've missed a week's worth of karate and I'm still not up to going again yet. Not unless, I want to risk having some sort of uncontrollable coughing fit or just plain out collapsing.

When I first started getting sick, it was pretty hard to slow down the momentum of my life. There was too much on the go. "It's just a soar throat. I'm fine," I said. But when people started telling me to go home, I had to pack it up. Now I'm just sitting and waiting for my body to give me the go ahead to resume my life.

Sickness is like an annoying house guest. It doesn't call in advance to let you know it's coming. At the very least, sickness could tell you when it plans to leave. But it keeps saying "just one more day."

Fatigue

2007-03-07T21:46:00.000-06:00

You know you're tired when you almost fall asleep standing in a grocery store line up.

The asylum...

2007-03-01T16:28:00.000-06:00

Do you ever feel like you've seen something that cannot possibly be real?

The other day, I saw a guy trying to clear the frost off his car windshield by blowing on it with his mouth.

No kidding.

And then the day after that, I saw a guy running down the street in minus 20 degrees Celsius weather with no shirt on.

I mentioned this to a friend of mine and he said he's seen all that before.

Really?